3. A New Professional Directory

On Tuesday I had appointments with my rheumatologist and my gynecologist (talk about a fun day!). I told them both about moving to Oklahoma. I had somehow forgotten that my rheumatologist attended medical school and did her residency in Oklahoma. She liked living in Oklahoma City, and said if it hadn’t been for wanting to be closer to family, she and her husband would have stayed there. That was encouraging. She said she only knew of one other rheumatologist in that area, but that she was sure I’d find a good doctor; the University of Oklahoma medical school and rheumatology program are well reputed, and many doctors remain in the area after graduating. My gynecologist was actually really sad that I was leaving. She actually said that we should get together for coffee/tea before I go. As I left her office I tried to avoid tearing up; this woman had seen me through the trials and tribulations of my child-bearing years and had prepared me and given me the best care possible when I brought my son into the world. She knew when to be a doctor-authority figure, and when to give hugs. She was the only doctor to ever make me relax completely on the examining table. I had laughed with her to tears, and I had shared tears of grief with her. And now I will have to find someone new to carry me through my post-menopausal years.

It’s overwhelming when you think of moving to a new place, and how to find a new doctor, a new dentist, a new hairdresser, and someone you trust to fix your car. But these people are so much more to us than service providers. They have seen us sometimes at our most vulnerable, and we trust them. It’s one thing to find the phone number of a new dentist. It’s quite another to rebuild a relationship. I’ve spent most of my life in this town, and it’s taken a careful process of shopping, getting referrals, whittling down, and changing when necessary. I finally have a team of professionals in my life that I can rely on and refer to others. And in less than six months, it will all be gone.

But the advantage of being older and having been through many years of questionable car repairs, bad haircuts, uncaring general practitioners, and unpleasant dental work is that you get better at reading people. You are choosy from the start, and you won’t settle for mediocre. You know how to ask politely, how to refuse firmly, how to assert yourself and put your needs first, and when to pull out of an unsatisfactory relationship. And I will be putting these skills to work, step by step, after moving to Stillwater. Will I find a gynecologist who wants to have coffee? Will I find a Volvo repairman who tells me honestly that nothing serious is wrong with my car, and not to worry? Will I find a dentist who knows the whole family’s dental history? Will our new dog groomer have patience for our high-strung dog? Will I find a hairdresser who can cut my wonderfully quirky half-curly hair? Perhaps not, but just maybe I will still find some caring folks who welcome me into the community and help me on my way, keeping me happy and healthy and sane.